Everything I Know About ESL—- I Learned From My Grampa

For both my father and mother, English was their second language and so my generation is the first to speak it as our mother tongue. This is a fact I’d known since childhood, but never really understood until I began teaching English as a Second Language at a private university in Central Massachusetts. Like any job, it has its humdrum days and times when I wish I were anywhere else but in front of a classroom, yet the experience is still most days personally gratifying with a sense that I am doing something that actually affects people’s lives for the better. One cannot ask for more than that from an occupation.

All four of my grandparents individually emigrated from Slovenia, then a part of Austria-Hungary, just prior to or during the First World War. Both grandfathers served in the army of Emperor Franz Joseph I. My paternal grandfather apparently spent his mandatory two-year military gig trying to find ways to get out of his conscription and failed woefully. My mother’s dad, “Ata” (father in Slovenian-which even Gramma called him) found his army experience to be some of the best years of his life. His huge repertoire of stories was replete with anecdotes of his time as a young soldier just prior to the outbreak of war in Europe. It was my Grampa, (what we kids called him), who hooked me with his art for storytelling, captivating my childhood and silently mantling me with the task of family chronicler with his passing.

Gramma began to learn English from my mom once she started school. She insisted my six-year-old mother bring her text books home each night and teach Gramma what the nuns had taught her earlier that day. As my mother often recounted, it was an incredible learning system because while Gramma gained the basics of the language, my mother was reviewing what she was just beginning to absorb herself. Grampa, on the other hand, had no time for such games. He was working in a malleable iron factory ten-plus hours a day. He learned English from his foreman, his supervisor and coworkers, the bus driver and the factory cafeteria workers. In Cleveland in the 1920s that meant Germans, Russians, Poles, Italians, Serbs, Croats and Hungarians and all the other Eastern Europeans who had flocked to this thriving industrial city for work and a new life.  His new language skills were hardly skills at all, but rather basic survival language that served him well till the end of his days at eighty-six. He spoke what language teachers term fossilized English.

He conjugated the verb to be as follows:

I be guud/You be guud/She be guud/We be guud/Dey be guud.

As an example, his present tense would be structured “Today I be verry guud” (the “r” is rolled in Slovenian). The past tense he formed “Yesterrday I no be so guud”. For the future, however, he did adopt the use of gonna’ “Tomorrrow we gonna’ be verry guud”. Even as a youngster, I didn’t find Grampa’s English peculiar or unintelligible. I understood him perfectly, convoluted grammar and heavy Slavic accent included. His unique form of English seemed perfectly logical to me. It was his heartfelt stories about the old country that captivated me and I hung onto his every imperfect syllable to hear him recount each and every one of them.

My mother didn’t drive until well into her forties, so my father chauffeured her to all the evening Adult Ed classes she taught for years, dragging my little brother and me around with him. Two nights a week she had classes on the east side, so we waited for her at Gramma and Grampa’s house. My dad adored his father-in-law, admitting he was closer to him than his own father. I am certain the feeling was mutual. I loved spending time with Gramma because she was Earth Mother to me, the most loving and generous-with-her-affection woman ever to come into my life.

Time around the kitchen table listening to Grampa, however, was the ultimate treat and I never tired of his colorful tales. His props were the Raleigh Plain End cigarettes he smoked, punctuating his sentences with long, dramatic drags and very vocal exhales and P.O.C. Beer (Pride Of Cleveland) guzzling the last third of a bottle in transition from one story to the next. He chain-smoked those Raleighs for years, amassing tons of coupons until, in the early 1960s, suddenly switching to Kents (with the micronite filters). I remember they cost 21 cents because often, mid-story, he would send me to the corner store with a quarter for another pack and with the four cents change I bought a small bag of loose penny candy, running back quickly so as not to miss his all-important ending. There were dozens and dozens of stories over my lifetime with Grampa, seemingly never repeating himself. Yet some were my special favorites that I would beg to be retold and he performed those requests with extra vitality, not wanting to disappoint.

One of those treasured tales was the day a four-year-old Grampa was told by his father that he had to say goodbye to his dying mother. There were two older brothers as well, but the central character was Grampa. His mother had been ailing for days and now the end was in sight. He was old enough to understand what illness was, but certainly had no idea about the concept of death. He was instructed to kiss her goodbye. His father and brothers were crying, fully grasping what was coming to pass. Grampa was only fixated on his mother’s head lying against her pillow. He knew that underneath that pillow lay a box of chocolates she kept hidden, given only as the most special of treats – doled out sparingly. They were incredibly poor tenant farmers struggling to produce enough to fill their own stomachs once they had provided the required compensation to the landlord from whom they leased their tiny farm.

After leaving his kiss on her cheek, he waited for the others, taking his cues from them. When they saw that she had passed, his father and brothers consoled each other. Grampa took the moment to quickly slide the chocolate box from under the pillow and hurry outside where he could hide and gorge himself on every one of the remaining candies in his mother’s carefully guarded arsenal. He remembered knowing it was very wrong to eat them all himself, but the temptation was too great to pass up. He spent the entire night sick to his stomach. The others thought his vomiting was due to anxiety and fear, after all, the little boy had lost his mom. He always ended the story by saying: “Becoz my mooderr, she die, my fahderr, he merrry agen and den I haf mooderr-een-lauw. I be shem for wat I do to my poorr mooderr, dead een herr bed, steeling da kendee frram underr dee peelow. I steel be shem forr myself – eben too-day”. He would lift his eyeglasses to dry the fresh tears from underneath his eyes. Each time he told that story, I would tear up myself for the poor little four-year-old Grampa I saw there before me.

But the all-time favorite story for me, I came to realize as an adult, was what must have been purely Slovenian folklore. Grampa explained that this had happened to his father, Michael, years before my Grampa was born, when his father was a single young man. It was harvest time for the wheat and the neighboring farmers would help each other in the difficult and painstaking task. Normally they traveled by oxen, but because of the distance, their neighbor picked them up before dawn with a horse cart. My Great Grampa was excited about this job because of the large village they would pass through, but more so because of the speed of the horses.

The farm was enormous compared to other neighbors and the job of the wheat harvest even greater. Many men worked the entire day in the sun, cutting and baling to finish before the rain. It was well after sundown when they were done, stopping because it had grown too dark to see in the fields anymore. Exhausted, Michael and his father climbed back into the horse cart for the journey home. There was only a lantern next to the driver to light their way, so they had to travel more slowly than they had that morning. They passed through the large village, but could see very little in the heavy darkness.

As they entered into the open road in the direction of their farm, they soon came upon a crossroads where they would have to continue straight ahead towards home. The horses began to slow as they neared this rural intersection – something was in the middle of the road. The driver said it was a large black cat that was frightening the two horses. They began to buck and as they did, the cart lurched back and forth so that Great Grampa Michael and Great-Great Grampa had to hold on tightly to not be thrown out and trampled to death by the spooked horses. To gain control the driver used his whip on the oversized feline that refused to budge from her spot. According to Grampa, he did so by hitting underhanded with the whip in an upward motion. As the whip struck, “dee somma-nah-beetch cot, she grow up eento a ‘supernitza’ (Slovenian for witch).

At this point in the tale, I was peeing myself in fearful anticipation, as I watched him mime the whipping technique with his sinewy, strong-arm. His face grimaced in terror as he dramatically over enunciated the word for witch and he was frightened all over again as he terrorized me with the story his father had handed down to him. Usually my own father would interject here, his doubt concerning the veracity of the tale. Grampa always confirmed, shaking a crooked, arthritic finger near my father’s face “Frrank, wat I be telling you ees wat my fahderr, he tell me. End my fahderr, he nay-berr say no ting wat ees not dee trroot”. Then he would turn to me, still sitting mesmerized in total awe, wanting so to believe this really had happened. Cautioning me with that same gnarled finger “Wain you arre trraveling in dee rroad at night and you git to dee crross – eef you see bleck cot – nay-berr heet dee cot up. All-ways heet de cot down. Adderrwise, you gonna hef dee supernitza and she gonna’ try git YOU too!”.

The odd part of the story was, he never did explain how they dealt with the midnight witch in the road, yet that never was much of a concern to me. And I knew from his face and the implicit tone of his voice, he truly believed every word his father had imparted to him. Grampa had left his father, oldest brother and step mother in Slovenia when he came to ‘Amerrika’ at twenty-four and never saw them again. He took a trip back only once, in 1956 when he was sixty-eight years old and they were all long gone. As much as he loved this country and all the benefits he gained from immigrating here, he could never let go or tire of his beloved Slovenia. He spoke passionately about it every time we were together around his kitchen table where he held court. Although he was sort of a tough, man’s man, misogynistic, shot -and -a-beer kind of a guy, he openly wept when the family gathered together and my mom led the singing of old folk songs, his booming basso voice occasionally joining in on a particular favorite of his.

Once I left for college, those evenings of tales became few and far between. He didn’t often take to story-telling when we were all together with the entire extended family to celebrate the holidays. I marvel today at his ability to hold an audience in the palm of his hand, especially having to do it with a language always foreign to him. I mourn all that I missed by never understanding his mother tongue and how much richer and more enthralling his tales must have been in the original. And I measure my own ability, even with the obvious language edge over him, and I pale in his shadow.

Elizabeth, May 4, 1970 and me

Unless it’s a birthday or an important anniversary of some sort, May 4th probably comes and goes like any other day in your life, but for anyone who went to my University, it is our Pearl Harbor. I attended Kent State University, and in my sophomore year 1970, my fellow students and I found ourselves thrust into the pages of history in a matter of a few days and thirteen seconds of gunfire. Before May 4th, if we traveled anywhere outside of the Cleveland/Akron area and people asked where we went to college and we responded “Kent State”, most often they would question: “Penn State?”.  And after May 4th, the question became: “Really? Were you there then?”. It happened late in the school year, when the long Northeastern Ohio winter was finally gone and spring was crawling towards summer. It became a horrific ending to what had been an incredibly wonderful and magical year in my life at age twenty.

In fall of 1969 the school year began with Nixon’s Draft Lottery, the only big contest I’ve ever won. I drew number 33, and my draft board would be calling up thirty numbers per month, beginning the following January. Even though I had a deferment, this roulette game did not sit well with any of us boys of draftable age. War was hanging heavily all around us and death counts of soldiers and innocents were being tallied with the same nonchalance that we watch gasoline prices escalate today. Being born so soon after the end of WW II, my childhood was peppered with pictures about trench and jungle warfare.  The thought of reliving it firsthand had frightened me more than my scariest horror movie nightmare.  The daily footage from Vietnam, played out each night on our TV sets in living color, only fed my fears and fanned the flames for any reasonably intelligent person to see how wrong any war was, let alone this senseless one. Despite all this, I still was not terribly politically engaged at this point in my life.

One year of dormitory life had been way more than enough for me.  This year I was living in a brand new apartment complex called College Towers, two seven-story buildings just off campus with in ground pools and full gyms, wall-to-wall carpeting and air conditioning, yet close enough to walk to campus. I was sharing a one bedroom with an old friend from West Buttfok High School. In my sophomore year of college I was living with more comforts than at my parents’ house. I even got a cat named Sarah to satisfy my passion for pets and make it feel more like home. I had found a comfortable niche in the theatre department, getting roles in some good productions and assembling a circle of friends that I enjoyed spending time with. In the middle of fall term I began seeing Elizabeth, the first and only woman in my life and I fell in love with her and fell in love even harder with love itself.

Elizabeth was jokingly the “older woman”, one year my senior. She sang like an angel – a lovely soprano voice and would often burst into song for no apparent reason, like an unbelievable character in a musical comedy. She was playfully witty and had perfect comic timing both onstage and off. Her naturally blonde hair that she wore in a short-cropped pageboy, she coaxed a few shades lighter. Pink and pretty with big, round, blue eyes, her lips were almost always either parted in a toothy smile or opened to let out a hearty, giggly laugh that was truly infectious. She was not very tall, but womanly round and was self-described as rubenesque. Without being corny, I would describe Elizabeth as a doll.

We went from seeing each other to being with each other nearly 24/7 in a matter of weeks. We were rarely apart.  She had an apartment literally across the road from mine in an older complex with two roommates, so we spent nights after rehearsals (we were both always either in rehearsal or doing a show) at my place. My roommate often worked late nights giving us time alone. Most evenings we camped out on my College Tower living room floor. We did manage to have the apartment totally to ourselves on that fateful night when we finally “did it”. I’d had this romanticized vision of my first time being as close to movie perfection as possible, and that called for a bed with clean white sheets and it did happen as I’d always imagined. Elizabeth was a patient and tender partner. I had absolutely no idea how to make love to anyone except myself, but she put me at ease and somehow made it all possible. I can’t image that I was a very good lover, but I certainly enjoyed trying to improve techniques with her.  We went at it every chance we got.

Christmas break I went home to West Buttfok, and she to Youngstown. We were apart for nearly three weeks, and we called and sent each other cards and missed each other like crazy. I drove to see her one night at her house, and we ended up going to a movie and then necking in the car afterwards because we couldn’t do anything with her parents there. It took this very special young woman to finally make me feel a man. We both of us were ready to get back to Kent and continue our life together.

Once back for winter term, I began directing a production of Moliere’s Tartuffe in The Cellar Theatre, a small student stage and Elizabeth played the ingenue role. She also did costumes, which was a huge undertaking for this period play, as we were very limited in what we could borrow from the university and only had a teeny budget that needed to be used for sets, publicity, and the like. Elizabeth and I spent hours, often into the early morning, sitting at sewing machines long after rehearsals were over trying to make the impossible possible. The program also gives her credit for wigs and makeup – she was involved to the max. After the first dress rehearsal, as I gave my notes, I concluded with: “And Elizabeth, you look like a big blue jellybean”. Everyone laughed hysterically, especially me for recognizing my own particularly brilliant wit. Everyone except Elizabeth, who ran out the back of the theatre in tears. It took an hour to calm her down.

In early spring we planned a weekend in West Buttfok to “meet the parents” and I was hesitant because I didn’t know what to expect from my mother and father. I knew Elizabeth was a natural at impressing other people’s parents. I had seen her work her charms on our friends’ parents and no one could help but love her. However, these were my parents. It had taken me twenty years and still I could barely deal with them, let alone turn them loose on unsuspecting prey, especially my beloved Elizabeth. Only about a week before our scheduled trip, she gave me the news that her period was late – very late. Maybe it was just the anticipation of our upcoming weekend, she’d hoped. Maybe it was just the fact that we were not using any sort of contraception. Oh my God, I was scared shitless. Elizabeth took it all in stride. I was in love with her, for sure, but having a baby was totally not on my to-do list.

My parents came Friday afternoon to pick us up. Sitting in the backseat of my Dad’s boat of a Pontiac, I rehearsed how I might break the news to them that they were going to be grandparents. We didn’t know for sure that she was pregnant, yet already I was experiencing morning sickness and I wanted to puke. Of course, just as I’d hoped, my folks were totally delighted by sweet Elizabeth, even before she began clearing the dinner dishes and started filling the kitchen sink to wash them without saying a word. My mother was mesmerized and I was shocked that she had allowed her to take over her kitchen without a word of protest. The next morning, as Elizabeth came out of the bedroom she’d slept in, to give me a kiss, she whispered “Congratulations! You’re not a father”. The remainder of our visit was sheer joy for me. We ended our stay by going to the Cleveland Art Museum. It has always had an incredibly wonderful collection. In a small room we paused before a huge painting by David entitled “Cupid and Psyche”. We stood in front of the larger than life-sized recumbent nudes, taking it in with our mouths gaping. It looked as though the two of us had posed for it and Elizabeth was the first to say it aloud. It is a vivid, personal moment the two of us shared that I can still summon all these years later.

So we come to May – Friday, May 1st. The evening before, Nixon had admitted that “we” had begun bombing raids into Cambodia. It ignited like wild-fire and I remember seeing banners hung in dorm windows and people in small groups throughout the sprawling campus, gathered around impromptu speakers debating the spread of the government’s useless war. This was a state university with 20,000 students who were cutting their teeth on the issues of the day in a truly chaotic and super scary world. It is almost surprising that only about 500 rallied at noon on the Common in protest. I didn’t go, nor anyone from my immediate group of friends. Everyone sensed that this was not going to blow over with a few signs and a demonstration. That night there was some trouble downtown, an area with a concentration of bars. Some windows were broken, the cops called in and bars were closed early. This caused concern among even the most apolitical. Drinking 3.2% beer was a popular pastime and curtailing students by denying them access to their beer did not help ease any tensions, so the original small crowd grew in numbers and the police used tear gas for the first time that night.

The following day, there were meetings galore all over Kent with Campus Admin, police and city officials and finally the National Guard was called in. I remember we stayed close to home that day, just going between my apartment and Elizabeth’s. We listened to stories from somebody who talked to somebody who knew somebody… I was becoming uneasy and didn’t know quite what we should be doing. We were all growing angry, watching our government, that most of us did not trust anyway, slowly take over our perfect little world in our insignificant university. For the first time I heard my circle of friends change the topic of conversation from Broadway and musical comedy to global issues and their own personal beliefs about politics and war. Being in College Towers, probably two of the tallest buildings in Kent, I remember hearing helicopters in the distance that evening. We learned late that night the ROTC buildings were burning and students were hindering firefighters from putting out the fires. We knew this would not be good for any of us. It turned out that some friends we had been in shows with were right there and had tasted the tear gas themselves.

Sunday the Governor held a press conference railing about the unrest and the damage that had been done to the state’s University. A curfew was put in place by the mayor. We had planned, before the weekend’s turmoil, to go to a student production that evening in a theatre in one of the churches off campus. There was a group of about eight of us going. I think we all were ready for a distraction from the tension which only grew worse by the hour. If memory serves me, the curtain time was moved up to comply with the curfew. I have no recollection of what the play was that we saw. I only remember the walk back home. It was dark, probably after 9:00 p.m. and the group of us was traveling up East Main Street towards campus. Knowing us, we might have been singing something, practicing harmonies, or just laughing and joking our way home. Out of the darkness above, the frightening thunder of a helicopter overhead stopped us, as a piercing beam of intense light shone down onto us. The noise was deafening, the copter blades hovering so close we could almost feel the moving air they displaced above. A booming, megaphoned voice cut through the chopping noise calling us from above “Students, you are considered a mob. Disperse at once and return to your dormitories”.

The temperature instantly shot from apprehensive and disturbing to sheer terror. Without uttering a word, our panicked harshly spotlighted faces questioned one another as to what we should do. Elizabeth let out a shouting kind of scream and ran across the street and immediately I followed her lead. A couple of others crossed to our side as well. The helicopter turned off its light and our hearts began to resume their regular rhythm as it flew off ahead, towards campus. We quickly continued our walk home, keeping the distance of the street between us. All the while we shouted back and forth to each other “Do you believe this shit?” What are we supposed to do now?” “This is fucking crazy!” We went back to my apartment and all of us began planning possible scenarios to follow. Some who had cars on campus might have even left for home that night. Neither Elizabeth nor I had a vehicle, although we had concerned parents who could be at our door in an hour or two’s time to get us out of there if need be. I was staying put. Monday was the beginning of a new week and I was going to plan on life as I knew it continuing just like always.

I don’t know what we argued about, but I doubt it had been either the war or campus strife. All I do know is that Elizabeth and I were not speaking on Monday, May 4th when we got up. Later in the morning, we continued the argument and she left in anger with a door slam. I was getting dressed to walk to the Common where an art student in one of my classes was going to take some photographs of me for his portfolio. We were to meet up at 1:00 p.m.  As I left my apartment and started walking to the elevator, I saw Elizabeth’s horrified face running towards me. “Jimmie, DON’T GO OUT THERE! They just shot some students”.  The two of us hugged, holding onto each other out of fear, not passion.

She was getting a ride from someone to go back to Youngstown. I should try to find a ride to Cleveland. Elizabeth and I kissed goodbye and in moments, doors started opening up in the long hallway as students collected outside their apartments. News of the shootings was just reaching our building. Neighbors, who before were only faces to me, suddenly became fellow victims of the disaster. I ran back to my apartment to try to call someone to arrange a ride, but the phone lines were overloaded and I couldn’t get a dial tone. And then I heard once again, the chopping monster helicopter blades flying over College Towers, so close now, they almost didn’t need the loud-speaker. This time they were shouting “All students report to your permanent address at once. Repeat. All students to your permanent addresses”. I remember stumbling into the kitchen, grabbing black plastic trash bags from the counter. I had no idea what I was doing. I only knew I had to get the hell out of Kent before more people got shot. We hadn’t heard for sure yet if anyone had been killed. The fear level was palpable. We all had our apartment doors wide open and people were calling out city and town names where they needed to go, or where they were willing to take others. Into one plastic bag I shoved some text books and clean clothes -  in another dirty laundry and toiletries. I scooped up my frightened kitty, Sarah and was out of my apartment and down in the lobby in minutes. Chaos reigned. I never saw so many students move so very fast in all directions at one time. But there was also a strange order to our evacuation. I stood in my lobby calling out names of neighboring west side suburbs of Cleveland, desperate for a ride, a garbage bag stuffed under each arm and poor Sarah clawing at my neck and chest, terrified – nearly as terrified as me.

I had to settle for a ride to downtown Cleveland. I don’t remember who the person was that gave me a ride, but prior to the moment I threw my trash bags into his car, he had been a stranger and after our ride I never saw him again. There were others in his car, again no faces or names register. We were all operating in a great fog of confusion and fear and disbelief and we wanted out and some sense of safety. What I do recall, quite vividly, was driving down West Main Street and seeing military jeeps and soldiers in helmets on our pretty front campus lawn and guns with bayonets pointed at the caravan of our cars slowly exiting the small, verdant “Tree City” that was Kent, Ohio.  It was like living a nightmare or being stuck in a very bad movie. Once out of town, the car ride with my fellow refugees is a total blank. It took hours before I was safe in Mom and Dad’s house. I had never been happier to be living in their home before or after that horrific day.

By midweek they announced the term was ended. The University would most probably reopen for summer session. On that Friday, I asked my father to drive me to Kent. I wanted to go back to my apartment and pack up my things. I became very bitter; the shootings of May 4th had ended a great happiness in my life. I was having this incredible year and all of it revolved around Kent, but now this ugly black cloud had descended over everything, killing it all for me. Selfishly I made the tragedy not about the four dead students or the nine wounded, but all about me and my personal contentment.

In order to get onto campus, I had to go through a security check and actually sign in with the police or the military, I can’t remember which. There was still a strict curfew in place. My father dropped me off at the check point and was coming back on Sunday to take me and my things back to West Buttfok. As I left Kent the end of that weekend, the remnants of my life stuffed into the trunk of the car, it was hard to believe only one week had passed, yet my whole world had been radically transformed. My relationship with Elizabeth didn’t make it through the summer. I cannot blame that on May 4th, but it certainly contributed some to its demise. I was so angry and depressed that summer of 1970, I seriously considered not going back to Kent. In fact, I didn’t want to go back to school at all. Had it not been for Vietnam and my deferment, I certainly would have taken a break from life altogether. The carpet had been pulled out from under my feet and I’d landed hard on my skinny young ass.

110 Sullivan Street

It was April of 1973 and I had long over stayed my welcome on Ron’s sofa. He never said a word in that regard of course, because he was a gentle, good-hearted soul who only knew how to be kind. Jacob was alternating between his obnoxious friend’s apartment and Ron’s. It had become evident that if I intended on staying in New York, it would be necessary to share an apartment and Jacob was the only person I knew that also needed to find a place. Although he was not what I would consider a friend, he was honest and trustworthy. After all the angst my first NYC apartment share had caused, those qualities now seemed to account for a lot. If only he weren’t so juvenile and silly acting and oh so very…OHIO. There just was no other way for me to explain his giddy behaviour most times. It served as a reminder that he had graduated from high school less than a year before.

My nest egg had dwindled down to the size of a pea – under $100. On Ron’s advice, I had signed up at a temp agency and began going out to work as a clerk/typist. I hadn’t taken a timed typing test since the tenth grade, yet actually did very well and was told I could get an extra dollar or so an hour because of my ability at the keys. The bad thing about temping was that even if you were available every day, they couldn’t guarantee a full week’s work. Sometimes on an assignment, you were not told until late in the afternoon that there was nothing for you the next day, so your services wouldn’t be needed. Often it was too late to call the agency to find anything for the following day. One positive was it did allow me the freedom to audition, and now that was the only theatre I had been doing since I’d moved four months before.

It was a real thrill to work in a New York City office though, even if the financial reward was somewhat less than paltry. My jobs were in Midtown Manhattan in offices in many of those dozens of 1960s “modern” glass buildings. On the twenty or thirty something-eth floor overlooking the city, the views out the window were ofttimes breathtakingly stunning, even to my hyper acrophobic eyes. And the colorful Gothamites who were my supervisors and co-workers for the day or week were character studies for me. It was on these jobs that I began to learn the distinction between a Brooklyn and a Queens accent. Here is where I adopted “waaah-dah” and “coo-aawh-fee” into my daily vernacular. Temping gave me money for my day-to-day Manhattan existence, but I worried that it was not going to give me enough to pay rent and utilities for any inhabitable apartment, even with Jacob’s corresponding half.

Our days of going out to eat, or even deli takeout, were over. We took turns shopping and cooking for Ron – poor payment for his generous hospitality. It became a form of entertainment and he would regale us with stories of when he had come to the city at my age, ten years before. It gave me hope that there was a future to be had for a gay guy from NoWheresville, USA: making a home, finding a partner AND steady employment in the theatre. “Be patient. It’ll happen.” was the mantra my guru assured me. Jacob was searching for apartments, studying the Village Voice like I memorized Backstage. It depressed me to even consider looking at rental ads, because I was realistic and had no idea how we would ever find the money for security deposit and first month’s rent. That did not deter the zealous teenager. What he wanted most was a Manhattan address. I told him I would only consider the West Village.

One day, when I had a work assignment and he didn’t, Jacob met me at the subway station as I was climbing up the stairs to the sidewalk on my way home. He was nearly frothing at the mouth with excitement, instructing me to follow him to see “the most FABulous apartment ever”. He babbled as he led me fast-footed to his “find” where the super was waiting to show us the place he had seen earlier that morning. He was afraid it wouldn’t last long. It was on Sullivan Street, south of Houston in what at that time some referred to as Little Italy, but now is named SoHo. The building was on the block between Prince and Spring Streets, nestled amongst many charming old red brick buildings.

110 Sullivan wasn’t charming red brick like most of its neighbors. The facade was white glazed brick and it stuck out on the west side of the block like a stark monolithic malignancy that jarred the eyes. Often I wondered what possible little gem might have been torn down to make room for this 1960s eyesore. Nora Ephron mentions the same building in a recent book. It was her first New York apartment in 1963 when she moved to the city. She says it was new when she moved in and her only adjective to describe the place was “horrible”.  In those days it rented for $160 a month.

I suppose when you’ve been living on some kind stranger’s sofa for three weeks and you are desperate for setting down roots and making a home, anything will look good. It was an elevator building – a plus. It had air conditioning – another plus. The main room was decent-sized and had lovely hardwood floors. What they called a kitchen was really just the far right corner of this room clustered with an apartment-sized two burner stove, an under-the-counter mini fridge and a sink the size of the spit bowl in my dentist’s office – I swear.  Jacob’s find also had a bedroom (O joy! O rapture!), the biggest of all pluses.

But then there was the bathroom. It was off the bedroom. I had lived in three apartments in Ohio and the studio in NYC plus Ron’s yet I had never seen this phenomenon before or since in nearly 40 years. It meant anyone who needed to pee had to tromp through your bedroom. It made absolutely no sense. We took it anyway. The rent was $225 a month which even we knew was quite a steal for what it was and where it was. How could we pass it up?  And I know it would have been snatched up if we hesitated even twenty-four hours. Before we could actually say yes, we needed to find $450 which we neither of us had nor could get our hands on in a month let alone by the following morning. Still Jacob seemed undaunted. We needed to go home to Ron’s and seek his advice, he announced. And once he heard Jacob gushing about the place, Ron found our answer. “There’s no problem. I can go to my bank tomorrow morning as soon as they open and lend it to you”. I was dumbfounded. “But how in the world will we pay the rent and utilities and still find the money to pay you back?”, I questioned. He was confident we’d do it in time, little by little, as we could. I still cannot believe what a fairy godfather we had found in this man.

We moved in the little that we had salvaged from Matty’s apartment that was usable, plus our clothes and personal treasures. At first there were no beds, but almost daily Jacob began collecting hand me down furniture from his circle of  weird  friends. By the end of that first month we already felt the pinch in our pockets when May rent came due and our first Con Edison bill arrived. I remember that same week the agency could only get me work two days, when necessity had called for me to work at least a nine-day week just to break even. There was no money left for groceries, so we ate cream of wheat cooked with water (not a drop of milk in the house) with the dregs from an old bottle of Aunt Jemima Pancake Syrup sparingly drizzled on top for dinner three nights in a row.

Friday was payday and after buying my subway tokens (35 cents each) I was down to less than a dollar. At lunchtime, starving from lack of real sustenance, I walked past a street vendor who had beautiful, huge apples, absolutely delectable-looking to my hungry eyes. I chose carefully to find the largest, prettiest one. It would hold me until I picked up my check on the way home. I found a bench to relax and savor my treat and biting into it with relish, it turned out to be dry and mealy and brown but I ate it anyway. That was the first time in nearly six months of living in New York, that I questioned what in the world was I doing in this place. Going back to Ohio was NOT an option on the table, however, no matter how bad things might get.

Living for a little over two years at 110 Sullivan, quite a lot of life happened to me. I will not begin to bore you with all the details, but there are some highlights that bear mention. First off, the list of negatives:

The air conditioner we thought was a plus, was actually a useless piece of crap that was in reality only a wimpy fan that blew hot air into the apartment. No matter how many times we complained, they could never make it work.

The elevator often stopped between floors. Not to worry though, because the door could be easily pried open with frantic fingers making it possible to crawl out or at worst jump down to the floor a few feet from above. Its frequent misfunctioning served to cure me of my lifelong fear of elevators at last.

Our downstairs neighbor was this strangely attractive, beefy, middle-aged Jewish girl from Queens who was our own private Rhoda Morgenstern. She was so naturally funny and had the distinction of being the first person to ever refer to me not by name, but rather always only as bubala. She phoned constantly at all hours to complain about our walking with shoes on the bare wooden floors above her head. “Bubala darling, is Jacob practicing in high heels? You’re giving me a migraine already!” Or when there was low water pressure she’d call to gripe about not being able to rinse her hair “Are you boys running the bath and kitchen sink at the same time? Leave a little water for Mumalah”. When she couldn’t direct her complaints at us personally, she called to kvetch about no heat, her mother in New Jersey, or just the weather.

That poor excuse for a kitchen may have been impossibly small for me, but the roaches loved it so much they invited all their friends to share the space. We bought a can of Raid for almost every quart of milk and still they thrived. They sprayed the building monthly, but I secretly believed the exterminator used sugar-water or something the creatures craved, rather than poison, to guarantee themselves job security.

Far longer, however would be my list of good things to recount:

Number one was the super’s wife, who Jacob and I referred to as Our Landlady because everyone understood that this was her building. She was a middle-aged Sicilian-American woman with a set of pipes like a fish monger. She was literally as wide as she was tall. Everyone in a three-block radius knew her on sight and by first name. The super’s apartment was on the ground floor in the front of the building. I only saw her leave to go up the street to Mass on Sunday, or on Bingo night at the same church. She held court from her window right next to the front door, so she could watch all of our comings and goings as well as oversee the sidewalk traffic from early morning until she went to sleep. The window was always open (except when it snowed), her chair wedged against it and her ham hock-like bare arm jutted out over the sill, as though she were driving our building up the street. She was a fantastic cook and often the smells from her kitchen wafted into the lobby, causing one to drool before reaching the elevator button. Once in a while she sent up a dish of macaroni with her killer sauce for us to enjoy. She was immortalized in a WNET documentary about the street festival where she annually sold her baked pasta in a booth in front of our building.

The Saint Anthony Festival was a yearly summer street fair and people came from all over the city for the week-long party. That first year it began like magic, seeing the church block and our block transform to accommodate food vendors, musicians, carnival games and the like. Nobody cooked the whole week and friends came and we’d eat our way up and down the two blocks every night, sampling the delicious home cooking: sausage and pepper sandwiches, meatball heroes, pastas, cannolis and my personal favorite food discovery-zeppole. To refer to this confection as a donut or fried dough would be a huge disservice. It is as heavenly as a New Orleans beignet, only slightly chewier. Some evenings a dozen of these delectables were my entire dinner. The second summer, somewhere mid-week, I began to grow weary of the crowds assaulting my block and all the noise and mess the church festival brought to my home and neighborhood. Even though the city swept and power-washed the sidewalks and street after each night, I still now looked upon it as a great invasion of privacy. And the charm was totally erased on one particular morning, when dressed in a beige linen suit on my way out the front door to work, I slipped and fell on a water-logged, swollen zeppole that lay in waiting for me like an unexploded land mine. The party was over for this boy.

Jacob found a boyfriend our first year in the apartment and the guy ended up moving to the west coast that fall. Devastated, he was going out to visit him. Around that same time, a good friend from University who I’d shared an apartment with my last year there was moving to New York and would be staying at our place. He and Jacob overlapped for a time, not too long if memory serves me. Ken was renting a Uhaul to drive his things to the City, so I took advantage of the trip and went to Ohio and brought my bed and some other pieces of furniture back in the truck. It was good to reconnect with a friend from college days and someone with whom I had a history. Besides, I had grown weary of babysitting Jacob all those months. Somehow his trip to LA got him to Hawaii and that is the last I ever heard of him. Our final conversation was long distance from Honolulu, when I refused to let him charge yet another long distance call on the phone, as he had already run up over a $100 tab. Ken is a warm and extremely witty man and as a roommate he brought a welcome balance to the apartment. Whenever I think about those days, homemade biscuits, incredible cornbread and his wonderful talent for making breakfast fare into a five-star dinner come to mind. He stayed on through the two year lease and we are still friends to this day. I recall with a smirk how the both of us suffered crushes on the two Italian brothers who had taken over their grandfather’s hardware store in our neighborhood. Unrequited love for each of us, I think we would have been content with either of them.

In an ironic twist, soon after moving into the building, I learned two friends from the theatre department, Skip and Nicky, one of the first gay couples I’d met at University were living one block up from me on the opposite side of the street. And my dear friend and one of the most unique personalities from our theatre department, Jennifer, was on the same block in a street level studio only a few steps away from my doorway. I, who was dead-set on cultivating a circle of “New York friends” had managed to physically move right back into the close-knit group of cronies I had spent the previous four years with at school. Through the next decade plus, we matured as adults and New Yorkers together. Now none of us lives on Sullivan anymore, but some are still in the city. Whenever we get together, I remark that we are all like cousins. We have shared so much of life and fate has literally bound us together, like blood does, despite circumstances and ourselves.

I cannot close the book on 110 Sullivan without a final remembrance of the place. The doors from the lobby to the street were all glass and each morning I recall pushing the heavy panel on my right, out onto the sidewalk to begin my day. As I did so, I would glance through the pane and down the street, south, to the brand new twin towers of The World Trade Center, dedicated just before I had moved in. You couldn’t help but notice them, because they filled the entire space at the end of my street-so giant and lofty they looked to be only a block or two away. The towers served to remind me every morning, in case I was still a little groggy from not enough sleep, that I was living in New York City. Even on rainy or over-cast mornings, still they seemed to shine because of all the glass and their sheer stature on the planet. Somehow they made me proud. They made me feel a part of the city now too.

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